The night was still hours away, the couple lay together in the queen size bed. Peter had given up sobriety hours before and was somewhere between happy and stupor. Mara had only seen him this way once before. It had been months ago at a dance club in Kansas City. But this time was different. In Kansas, it was after midnight before they were alone. Peter had quickly passed out or drifted off to sleep. Today he was awake and talking.
Mara had long suspected that Peter’s happy go lucky, live life attitude was a cover. She knew that he had had a strange childhood and a series of unhealthy relationships, but she didn’t know the details. Not that she didn’t asked. Peter hadn’t shared. He was sharing today. He shared facts about his past. He shared facts about other people they both knew and the things that these other people knew or suspected. And she reacted.
“What a fool I was,” she exclaimed! “How it must have looked to everyone. How could you have been so unkind to me!”
So Peter put away his sadness and invited his protector to come and guard him against telling her more. He did not want to hurt her anymore, nor could he trust her with his pain. It is, after all, “how it must have looked to everyone” that matters. It is what must be protected. Cold and heartless, that is the way of the protector, he dressed and watched her prepare to leave.
“What is for dinner,” he asked?
“Get your car and follow me,” she replied. As she gathered her things and exited the room.
The Mexican restaurant was dark and nearly empty. A family was finishing a late lunch and preparing to leave as the role playing couple placed their orders. The family exchanged salutations in Spanish as they took turns hugging each other, before they walked out. Once gone, the place was dark and empty. Peter filled the time with meaningless conversation and gave Mara little time to think or respond. His food had little taste, that is the way it is for the protector. He lives in these little dark places and cares very little about anything. Her car turned right out of the parking lot and his turned left. He watched the rear lights of her car in his mirrors until they faded out of sight. The inside of his car was dark and empty.