When we meet someone, there is an attraction that makes us want to see more of them and know more about them. We normally do our best to impress them and do things for them that we think they will enjoy. The other person is also trying to impress us and they do things they think we will enjoy. In the beginning of a relationship we give into the relationship and it grows. Some people refer to the time as “when we fell in love.” As time goes on we start to back off a little on the giving and start to feel let down because the relationship is no longer growing. Some people refer to the time as “when we started falling out of love.” The reality is that most people misunderstand what love is.
Love is not what we are getting out of a relationship, but is what we are putting into the relationship. Love is not our expectations, but out expressions. When both people are feeding the relationship, it is healthy and grows. At some point in the relationship we stop trying to please the other person and expect them to accept us and they do the same thing. In other words, we stop feeding the relationship. Love is what we do for the other person and the little habits that we overlook. When both people are doing things for the other person expectations are being met, so we see the relationship as healthy and growing.
Let me explain it another way. God loved us while we were practicing our bad habits and sent His Son to die for us. God’s love was an outward act towards us. There was nothing in it for God other than expressing His love for us. God’s outward act of love met our need beyond our expectations. Love is not what we are getting out of a relationship, but is what we are putting in. God’s unselfish love goes beyond our hopes and dreams relentlessly.
Love is also not expecting the other person to always be meeting our needs. There are times when we need to be strong for them and times we need for them to be strong for us. There are also the joyful times that we are strong together. There is no one man or woman that can always be the strength in the relationship. Love is sometimes being there without knowing why, but being there just the same. In sickness and in health means just that. If we believe that love is what we get out of a relationship then we have nothing to hold us together when times get difficult. Love is what we put in and it has its reward, and the reward is what the other person is giving. Their love being given to us. Love is its own reward.
True mature love will treasure things long beyond physical attraction and lust. Love will drop a half breath when your eyes meet or when you think they may be just around the next turn after twenty, thirty, forty, fifty years or more. Lust will stop after a year or two. When you love someone, you believe they are the handsomest or prettiest person in the room even if your eyes tell you they are not. If you do not feel that way now, do not worry. Start giving into the relationship and you will feel that way. Love is not giving into the relationship what you need, but what the other person needs. If you are giving to yourself, you can do that alone.
Some people say you have to give to get. Love says you have to give without expectations and receive each thing as a treasured gift. If we expect then when our partner gives we are not thankful, it is just what we expected. In the start of a relationship everything is new and we receive unexpected things; by not expecting and being thankful we can keep things always new. In the start of a relationship things are new and we give unexpected things and our partner is thankful. What it takes to get them is what it takes to keep them. Giving of yourself into the relationship. Feed your relationship and feed it love.