Sometimes trying to understand a relationship becomes an adventure in trying to understand a mixture of the known and the unknown. There is a young woman who is a family friend. She came into our life very quickly, like a tornado but in front of the storm; with no warning. She spent a great deal of time with us, in a short period of time. Then as quickly as she appeared, she pulled away. Reappeared and pulled away; like a tornado that touches down, returns to the sky, and then touches down again.

The first time the young woman pulled away, it was a shock. She used harsh words and accusations with no validation to any reality we were or are aware of. In doing so she set boundaries, that she could and would cross at a whim but existed none the less for us. Weeks and months could and would go by when we were almost nonexistent while being in the same room. Without warning the tornado would touch down again, and she would make demands on the relationship. Just as quickly the sky would change again.

The young woman has amazing gifting and a strong call on her life, which she seems to be very aware of. At the same time she has deep insecurities she doesn’t seem to be as aware of. The insecurities, and a need for someone to intercede in prayer, were what introduced us to the young woman. And regardless of the mood swings of the relationship itself, the prayer continues. The friendship is there, on our part, without being forced. It is simply there. Being human, we do at times feel a need to protect ourselves from the tornado.

In some ways, don’t we have a relationship with God in a similar way? We are hot, and then we are cold. We need Him and then act as though we resent our need for Him. Life can wound us in a way that we need to get close, but it hurts to be so close. We have a need for love – to both love and to be loved; but this life has used those who we expected to love us to harm us. My parents hurt me deeply; so I had a hard time seeing God as a Father, while I so needed a Father that would not hurt me. I had to let go of the “me” the world had created so I could let God be God.

Seeing the suffering that Jesus was willing to endure for me broke through the barriers. Healing is an immediate thing, but restoration a process that takes time. The first time I understood that I had forgiven my mother, I wanted to reach out to her. But she wasn’t able to accept forgiveness, and her reaction opened up an old wound. The love God gave me for my mother cannot be taken away, but I have to be willing to suffer to give her the love. I can know these things about my relationship with my mother. But the young woman is a mystery; we don’t know the fight she is fighting, except that it is not flesh and blood. The answer is still to let God’s love be the spirit in the relationship.

Relationships are not easy, because we don’t always know where the areas are that are under restoration. We don’t always know the right thing to say, or not to say. I don’t believe my wife can understand why Mother’s Day was (and still is a little) a hard day for me. She is my wife, and the correlation to motherhood is not there – I am not trying to be unkind to the mother of my children, I am hurting for my mother. Our actions and reactions are not always because of the current events in our life, but learned protective behaviors from past events; emotional prisons Jesus came to break down. Our part of the restoration process is to love one another as He has loved us.